Do you ever have quiet moments when a profound thought enters your head. You chew on it and mull over it when all of the sudden it leads to another profound yet related thought? I love when that happens. It's in those moments that the Holy Spirit "visibly" increases your faith, gratitude, and therefore outlook on life. I had one of those moments tonight.
How does this spiderwebbing relate to 31:27? Because we all need to remember that God knows what He's doing when He places people in families together. When we remember that, our focus turns upward and causes us to serve our families with more fervor and cheerfulness! On to the story...
The Set Up: Five sleeping children. One sick and sleeping husband. The other two adults having a lovely birthday dinner out. No electronics on save for that upon which I type. Perfectly QUIET house (pause...I need to take it in again...). Then there is coughing from upstairs. Oh right, I need to go give a treatment to EA.
The Action: I knelt by his bedside as he slept semi-peacefully despite the bouts of coughing. I prepped his neb machine and figured out how to position the mask so it would not disturb him. Do I just leave it propped up and go finish working on the grocery list? Normally, I would (shame on me). But tonight, I chose what was better. To stay with my son, pray over him, think about him, take in his awesome good looks and tender childishness. I sat there contemplating how precious his life is. Sad that I can not remember my kids as babies (praise the Lord for videos!). How rough his medical history is, all of 5 years. Having a child with chronic health problems means going through years of phases where you get as much sleep as you did with an infant. We wake up to coughing, gagging, neb treatments, crying, a child on the end of our bed about to throw up... So thankful it's just phases for us! It's hard work. Work that I can be so impatient with and even angry when he just won't "calm DOWN or you'll only get WORSE..." And then it hit me.
How good our God is to have given EA to ME. A woman who grew up with asthma and allergies in the household of a doctor, often exposed to the medical world and therefore very used to it. I know what asthma looks and feels like first-hand. A woman who is capable and keenly attentive when it comes to medical hullabaloo. And not grossed out by medical stuff. God put EA in OUR family. A family who can provide for him and who watches him closely, who gets him the medical care he needs. If our God were not who He is, EA could have been born to someone who didn't care as much or couldn't provide as much.
And my son would die.
He would die if he were born into that kind of situation. My friend D's daughters would die if they were born to someone not as attentive and caring as D is. None of our kids would have made it very long at all. Elijah maybe not even past 6 months which was when his first ER visit and hospitalization were. Her girls not past the moment that the wrong food entered their mouths or the first asthma attack hit.
I suddenly found myself praising God for giving me a child with difficult medical problems. Because that meant that this adorable curly haired, mischievous, compassionate, hunky chunk of spunk would live. He would have someone to care for his unique needs and teach him the ways of life. Someone to show him the love of Christ and teach him the ways of God. How fun and amazing! But if God gave EA to me, then that means.... Spiderweb alert!
God created me specifically for EA.
He knew that He had created me as a mother with the "stuff" necessary to persevere through the rough times. He created our family for EA with what we would need spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally to make sure our sweet son grows as healthy as his little body will allow. Does that mean my husband and I never have weak moments of tears, worry, impatience, anger, flippancy, and such? By no means. We are imperfect sinners. But we can be assured that God has given us what it takes to parent a child like EA. Because EA is ours.
God also knew that having a child like EA would be just what I need to stretch my faith and increase my trust in Him as sovereign God, Great Physician, Comforter. Monday morning, when I woke up to hear Elijah starting to cry and cough terribly, I could not shake the sobering thought, "My son is going to die from this." It was a battle against the flesh for a couple days, taking every thought captive as his fever spiked again... as he complained of not being able to breath with another 3 hours until his next treatment... During a shower, I couldn't stop thinking about the whole "lay your Isaac down" thing. Is he my Isaac, Lord? Are You going to ask me to lay him down, like REALLY lay him down or maybe just proverbially? Cuz I can do the proverbially. But would You really ask me to give my sweet son up? Are You going to ask me to deal with seeing him breathless and lifeless someday? .... Stop it, woman! EA is God's child first. And God should be your First. If God asks you to cross that bridge, you'll have the stuff you need to do it. (Not to mention, I have dear friends who literally have had to lay their children in the arms of God, breathless and lifeless to this earth -- so stop it, woman! Don't travel that road in thought until your feet hit that path, if ever!) Indeed, God knows I need a child like Elijah to grow me in specific ways to be more like Christ! And if God gave EA to me, then...
Spiderweb alert! God gave ME specifically to EA. To my whole family. Not just to their benefit in life, but because He created THEM with the stuff needed to have me as the wife and mother. I've been through three weeks of testing to find out if I have MS. (There, it's public now.) I should find out for sure Monday at 2:00. Even if I don't have MS (which it's looking very likely), I have a bad back. The older I get, the more I will be limited in what I can do for my husband and children. I don't like that. I'm a Doer kind of woman. I don't want their lives to be harder -- I'm supposed to be here to make it easier! It's my job! Add MS on top of my back problems, and that moves the Doer's fence in a lot tighter. But God knew all that when He planned who would be in our family. He created my husband, my sons, and my daughter(s?) with everything they need inside and out to live with a wife and mother who is limited. What a comfort and relief that is!!! It's ok to be limited because my God goes before and has prepared my family for this. What a thought! Flip side: He created me for them, to grow them in the Faith. You get the picture. They are here for my sanctification just as I am here for their sanctification. :-)
God gave EA to us... He created us for EA... He created them for me... He created me for them... And round and round it can go!